Whelmed

Today I pulled out the curriculum for the fall and took inventory on what I need to do before school starts back the first week of August. It seems it is barely summer and it is time for me to start with lesson plans again.

I love lesson plans, school supplies, and organizing activities, but I will admit to a great feeling of being "whelmed" today. With a month to go before we start back up again, the task of putting all my ducks in a row seems a bit daunting.

I have been asked by several people lately how I manage to work thirty plus hours a week outside the home, homeschool two children, run a homeschool co-op, help take care of aging relatives, and deal with food allergies, ongoing health issues, and the other slings and arrows of everyday life. I told them I had no idea how I do it, but if I figure it out, I will let them know.

Somehow things tend to work themselves out - but I do spend a lot of time planning and consulting calendars and lists! Today the energy level was low and the pity party was a bit high. I have a good friend that is moving out of the country this week. I was diagnosed with diabetes two weeks ago, and I have some inner ear problems that are causing dizziness, headaches, and some other issues. So, the truth is I probably need to give myself some space. This is my only day off for another week and I kept feeling like I needed to get my list of things accomplished for the day. Maybe what I really need to accomplish is just being still. The past few weeks have been so intense and busy. My inner work has been sadly neglected and I feel the lack of it. I know that when my spirit is troubled and frantic, very little can be accomplished well - or at least from a place of peace and wisdom. Today is about letting the tidal wave of responsibility wash over my head. It is about struggling to find a foothold in the craziness of this time and it is about giving up and letting myself float. I just need to float to the surface of all this intensity and be still. Then I can revisit my priorities and shift what must be done, what can be done differently (and with less stress), and what I need to let go of.

Right now I let myself be present where I am and not where I am going. It is a good place to be.