Thought a bit today about the situation surrounding the account of the birth of Christ and how it was very inconvenient. Inn's were full, heavily pregnant, low on funds (no doubt), oppressive government (not to mention no indoor plumbing, stove to heat water, or medical facilities). They were also very young and just starting out. Neither Mary or Joseph had anticipated their lives heading in that... direction. It's easy at the holidays to see perfect homes and people who have "it all together" (whatever that means) - people with healthy children and spacious homes covered in designer lights and mountains of gifts - and wish that my own life was somehow more like the photo on Christmas cards instead of the messy business it is. But, even in the mess this holiday season has been, I think I have known more of the spirit of God this year than ever before. I try to be careful what I say about this - because Jesus was probably born closer to March than December. Most of our Christmas traditions have more to do with ancient "pagan" practices than any real ties to the account of the birth of Christ. Don't get me wrong - I love Christmas - I just recognize that some of hype is more tradition than truth. But here is the truth I can sink my teeth into this year - I have struggled with my faith over the years and cycled in and out of doubt and belief. As it stands, I have more questions than answers most of the time - but I have seen strange and miraculous things in the past month. Things that can't be explained - prayers that no one knew about that were answered so specifically and repeatedly that I have been amazed - and even a bit frightened - truth be told. To watch a beloved child go through the entire fall in varying degrees of pain and to feel so uncertain of the outcome - that is a soul searching experience. All of that to say, that I have never had a holiday season quite like this one - one disaster after another, but my spirit is peaceful. My soul is thankful for each day - for each affirmation of love. I am surrounded by it - I breathe it in. I still have moments of panic and anger - but, they pass - and what is left behind is peace... and love. Maybe the inconvenience of this holiday season has been more like the account of Christ's birth and less like the modern Christmas - lot's of inconvenience, worry about a beloved son, wondering how to pay for things, and frustration with government policies (in my case, mostly related to health care) But still, a light shines in the darkness, friends brought gifts from afar, and... I am not sure there weren't angels.
