There and Back Again

After a two week experiment with trying a different approach to education, we are back to The Rivendell School for both of my children.
The experience of listening, trying something new, expanding our horizons, and finding our place again has been well worth the stress.
I am amazed at how much I have learned in the past two weeks. It is apparent that my children have learned a lot as well. Of course, I am not talking about academic learning - but learning of the spirit. We have had some fabulous conversation, soul searching, and self-examination. All of this has been very tiring, but very productive as well.
We are now ready to meet the bend in the road with new enthusiasm and direction. A lot of growing up, grieving, and letting go has happened in a few short weeks.
And... here we are... together again for a new school year. It feels like we are starting fresh - like we never went to school for 3 weeks in one paradigm and then 2 in another. It all feels new. In a way, it is. We have left our old curriculum behind. We are embracing a new part of our journey together and we are wiser for having spent this time exploring educational options. So, we will take a holiday for some breathing in and then move onward and upward.
A funny thing happened a few weeks ago. The children were in the yard playing on the rope swing and their laughter was coming to me clear and sweet from the window. It felt like a "snapshot" moment - like I was saving up the beauty of that second in time. I remember feeling a bit nervous - like I was experiencing some moment of perfection before a storm. I am often intuitive that way. The very next day, we experienced some educational upheaval that changed things for us and has taken most of our time for the past few weeks.  Today, as the period of disruption came to a close, the children were sitting together on the sofa and I was in the other room. The sound of their spontaneous laughter came to me and I immediately remembered that moment a few weeks ago. It was the first time since that day that I have consciously taken in the sound of their happiness. It is the bookends on this experience. It felt like closure. It also reminded me that laughter goes on. Life will change and seasons will come and go, but laughter lives on.

Brave New World

Sometimes life takes you by surprise. I cannot really go into that much detail on the why, how, and where of this cryptic statement except to say that we are trying a new experiment in our home education journey.

There have been some changes, some life shifts, some truth seeking, and we are dipping our toes into new waters.

The danger of encouraging your children to think for themselves is that they will. Sometimes they may even come up with their own conclusions and want to try their plan their way. Sometimes they even ask nicely and have some thoughts on how to go about it. Sometimes you should listen. This is a big lesson I learned in our first month of school this year. I love that I can still be taught, even if, sometimes, the lessons hurt a little. It is hard to let go of your children - even for their small steps to independence.

I love both of my children so much that I cannot really express it in words. I want to love them in ways that feel like love to them. I know that people feel love in different ways - and sometimes it is easy to love people in the way that you know how - and hard to learn the way that feels most like love to that person you want so desperately to show love to. I hope that I keep learning the ways of love. I hope that I can show love in ways that are meaningful to the people I love, even if it is difficult to figure out and challenging to follow up on.

A quote I have long admired and pondered comes to mind:

“The beginning of love is the will to let those we love be perfectly themselves, the resolution not to twist them to fit our own image. If in loving them we do not love what they are, but only their potential likeness to ourselves, then we do not love them: we only love the reflection of ourselves we find in them.”  - Thomas Merton

Will Work for Peace

Tis the night before Thanksgiving and I am contemplating the deep thankfulness I feel for my children and the lessons they teach me along the journey together. I thought I would teach them, I didn't realize how much I would be learning FROM them. Peace starts at home. When I began the path to gentle, non-violent parenting, I had no idea how the seed of that ideal would take root and grow in our family. My socially conscience children are always surprising me with the ways they incorporate peace in our daily lives. They struggle with the hard work of it, just like I do, but they bring such an openness to the table. My twelve year old recently was sharing with me how she found it difficult to remember to be peaceful on the playground when her brother was being bullied. Her instinct was telling her to strike out and pay back insult for insult. I appreciate her protective instincts for her brother, but imagine my delight when she told me that she immediately thought of why the aggressor might be acting that way and what was going on with him to cause his behaviour. Over a period of several weeks, both of my children had many conversations about this child both together and with me and my husband. We put a lot of time into talking over scenarios and solutions that could be a win-win for both parties. The verbal bullying continued for a couple of weeks, but after my children went out of their way to make positive remarks, model good communication, and practiced some peace making strategies, things began to improve. Now the child in question is counted a friend. They play together and have a lot of fun. I am not trying to over-simplify the massive bullying problem we have these days, only feeling proud of a small inroad made by my two sweeties. Peace really does begin at home. When we model appropriate responses to injustice and problems in the world, the children will follow. They may even lead the way.

Revolution starts at home...

Free Range Children

I was at the zoo the other day with my children. As we headed toward the naked mole rat exhibit (a strange, but interesting site), a group of children passed us with zoo camp shirts on. They were kindergarten age and were with a zoo camp class. The two instructors were keeping up a running dialogue at the children as they walked by holding a rope to keep their place in the line. "Walk a little faster, turn to the front, stop staring and keep walking, no talking here please, do you guys want snack because you won't have time for it if you don't walk faster than this..." on and on it went as the five year old kids walked on by. I was a bit taken aback at the severe tone of these camp leaders. The children were being very quiet and were only naturally distracted by looking at the animals they were passing. I had looked at the camps online and thought they sounded interesting with neat topics and activities listed. They were a bit expensive, so we hadn't signed up. Watching the leaders with this very young group of campers made me glad we didn't.

Why do so many adults feel they must keep up a running commentary at children about their every behaviour? I wonder how we would feel if someone walked along side us everywhere with a constant stream of chastisement? Why not just be pleasant and treat children like real people instead of inmates or second class citizens? I taught kindergarten for five years and worked in a daycare for a great many more before having my own children. I know it is not an easy job. But, is it really that hard to see children as real people?

It is a self-defeating cycle. When we are treated this way as children, it creates a need to lord our own superiority over others. Then, when we become the adults, we feel it is our due to treat children in this belittling way. It saddens me a great deal to see this being repeated over and over in our society. Are we so insecure that the only way to feel important is to become a tyrant and to push our own agenda on the children? Children are not made to be silent for hours at a time, to walk in straight and silent lines, to eat lunch in silence (as is the practice in many of our schools), or to go all day without active play and exploration. Children are citizens of our world and are due our respect as fellow human beings.

I want my children to be "free range" children. I don't want them to have to stifle every impulsive word and walk in straight lines, raise their hands to ask permission to go the bathroom (a basic human function!), or have someone stand over them with a running commentary on what they are doing wrong. I want a free range life for all children. I am not advocating the loss of boundaries or encouraging bad behaviour. I am only asking for a humane approach. Express to the children what your expectations are in simple and polite language, give them room to question you in a respectful way, ask them what could improve the class or camp and really listen. This is not as hard as it sounds. I use these and other strategies in my experiences teaching in a school setting, working with children in a library setting, and parenting my own. They really work. When working with children, it is best for us to follow our own rules, treat them the way you would want to be treated. Don't yell at them if you don't allow them to yell back, etc.

I hope for a better future for children. I hope my continued efforts to parent peacefully leave at least two more peaceful souls on this planet. I hope my continued work with the children of my community will give them the confidence they need to treat others kindly and with compassion and peace. I hope that if you are reading this post, that you will challenge yourself to reflect on the way you interact with the children in your life. Take another step towards peaceful and non-punitive interactions with the little ones in your life. You won't be sorry you did.