Hope is the thing with feathers...

     

Hope is the thing with feathers 

That perches in the soul, 

And sings the tune--without the words, 

And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard; 

And sore must be the storm 

That could abash the little bird 

That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land, 

And on the strangest sea; 

Yet, never, in extremity, 

It asked a crumb of me.

Emily Dickinson

We are pressing onward. In the midst of chronic illness and other related trials, I am gifted with hope for the future and hope that we will see the end of this particular run of challenges soon. I keep thinking to myself, that the only way through is forward. Surely on the other side of this week, this month, this year, there will be a lessening of pressing stresses and life can return to a more "normal" pace.

Whit has started weekly injections, weekly blood work, more daily medications, and is still getting his infusions and supplements. He feels good today. It is hard to predict what each day will be like. We are living with the constant up and down of good days followed by bad days followed by awful days followed by a great day. This is the kind of schedule that really teaches you to enjoy the small things in life - quiet moments of cuddling on the couch, reading books out loud together, laughter, beauty, love...

People are so kind. Lots of people ask about Whit. The neighborhood where we live has nice places to walk. The shop owners ask about him when they see me out and about. My wonderful, encouraging co-workers are always checking in with me to see how the week is going. My family is incredibly helpful and supportive. I have friends that are always checking up on me. I am grateful.

I have hesitated to write much about Whit's health issues. There is his privacy to consider. I also feel unsure about how much to share of my personal feelings about his illness for many reasons. But, recently, I began to search for blogs and information about children with severe ulcerative colitis and related auto immune disease issues. I did not find much. What I did find was incredibly encouraging to me. It was so affirming to read about other's experiences with their children and how they have coped. This made me feel that maybe it would help someone else to put myself out there. Whit's combination of diseases does not get that much press. He has celiac disease, severe food allergies, ulcerative colitis, and asthma. Right now, it is the ulcerative colitis that is causing him so many problems. His colon is ulcerated and will bleed out if he is not treated. The struggle since his disease went active again in September, has been to control his bleeding, pain, and other symptoms. He has to be on steroids that cause swelling, weight gain, emotional swings, and sleeplessness. His medications can affect his liver and he has to have weekly blood work to check his liver numbers. They also destroy his immune system.

Maybe I will take this post down at some point, but for now, I feel it is okay to post about our family and our struggle with ulcerative colitis. Whit is running out of time to be on the steroids. You cannot take them long term. He is stepping down now. Over the next few weeks, he will be tapered off of them completely and the infusions and injections will need to sustain his progress. If not, we will be facing some big decisions about how to continue his treatment. We are hoping for the best. As I listened to the birds singing outside my window, as spring creeps in, I was reminded that hope is the thing with feathers. I do hope this spring brings a new season of health to my Whit.

Brave New World

Sometimes life takes you by surprise. I cannot really go into that much detail on the why, how, and where of this cryptic statement except to say that we are trying a new experiment in our home education journey.

There have been some changes, some life shifts, some truth seeking, and we are dipping our toes into new waters.

The danger of encouraging your children to think for themselves is that they will. Sometimes they may even come up with their own conclusions and want to try their plan their way. Sometimes they even ask nicely and have some thoughts on how to go about it. Sometimes you should listen. This is a big lesson I learned in our first month of school this year. I love that I can still be taught, even if, sometimes, the lessons hurt a little. It is hard to let go of your children - even for their small steps to independence.

I love both of my children so much that I cannot really express it in words. I want to love them in ways that feel like love to them. I know that people feel love in different ways - and sometimes it is easy to love people in the way that you know how - and hard to learn the way that feels most like love to that person you want so desperately to show love to. I hope that I keep learning the ways of love. I hope that I can show love in ways that are meaningful to the people I love, even if it is difficult to figure out and challenging to follow up on.

A quote I have long admired and pondered comes to mind:

“The beginning of love is the will to let those we love be perfectly themselves, the resolution not to twist them to fit our own image. If in loving them we do not love what they are, but only their potential likeness to ourselves, then we do not love them: we only love the reflection of ourselves we find in them.”  - Thomas Merton

Merging Oak Meadow with Materials Created for Dyslexic Students

I have a son with dyslexia. Dyslexia is often misunderstood and causes many children to feel like "aliens" in a world where everyone seems to know the code, but they can't crack it. I know this, because my son tells me all about it. He used to feel alienated and could not understand why he felt "different" from other people. He would say things in unusual ways, was particularly observant, keenly intelligent, but could not seem to remember his letters or how to make them form words. I was perplexed by this. I had been a tutor to children in housing projects in inner cities, taught kindergarten for years, and worked in the children's room at the library. I had read to him in utero.  What was going on?

As time went on, we had him tested. He was diagnosed with dyslexia. If any of you have ever had your child diagnosed with anything, you will identify with the sudden frenzy of reading and studying I did on dyslexia. I read everything I could get my hands on, attended workshops, went to support group meetings, local advocacy groups, watched documentaries, and sought out expert help. I am summing up a few years here, but trust me when I say, I earned a degree in dyslexia from the school of self help.

When you first have to make changes to accommodate special needs, there can be a pendulum swing phenomena. My studies brought me to the Orton Gillingham method. This is a very scientific approach to multi sensory teaching for dyslexics. It is far too much information to go into here, but it involves a systematic approach to teaching reading through multi sensory techniques. I took some training classes and got started right away.

Slogging through phonics is hard work. I knew that in my fervor to help him, my pendulum was swinging towards much more structure and academics than I was really comfortable with for a second grader. He wanted to read so badly. He tried so hard. The work was quite strenuous and he began to say he didn't like "school". This really presented quite a dilemma for me. I am solidly in the camp of delayed academics for children, with plenty of time to enjoy unstructured play, handicrafts, and time outdoors. It had been a shock to me to realize that we needed to embrace the structure of the Orton Gillingham lesson. It was the fear that was driving me now. The fear that this precious child of mine would somehow miss out on crucial things because he couldn't read. I was also missing the gentle pace of the Oak Meadow curriculum and the creative aspects that we had so enjoyed in first grade.

It was in the third grade year that my pendulum began to balance and we finally hit our stride. I was now more of an "expert" at the multi sensory lesson. I felt more comfortable with setting a slower pace. I cut back on the time we spent in reading instruction and added more creative elements and unit studies that he chose the topics for. We began to enjoy "school" again. We were able to use Oak Meadow and substitute the reading instruction with his Orton Gillingham lesson. I was able to come up with appropriate accommodations for the lessons as needed and we began to feel comfortable with dyslexia. I say that we felt comfortable because, for me, it had felt very uncomfortable, very foreign, and very intimidating. The diagnosis of dyslexia left me feeling inadequate and so uncertain about my homeschooling. For my son, I believe that the diagnosis was both a blessing and a burden. He finally had a reason as to why he felt like an "alien" as he describes it. He had a learning difference. His brain saw things just a bit differently than most of us. He also felt the things that many dyslexics go through. He felt like he was "dumb" and that he wouldn't be able to do the things that other children did at his age.  When friends were reading chapter books and discussing them, he was still struggling with very simple readers. On the other hand, his skills of observation were very acute and didn't rely on the written word. He had developed ways around reading.

Third grade continued. We did unit studies on snakes and bugs, we struggled through the Merrill Readers, we went to the museums, we broke out in a sweat over consonant blends. My son discovered Calvin and Hobbes and suddenly, just like that, there was a breakthrough in the code. I could see it happen. It was like a switch coming on and the letters suddenly aligned into something comprehensible. He stayed up late to read Calvin. His light would stay on till we had to make him turn it off. We drove down the street to a constant wonder-filled voice that read us street signs and billboards. It was a miraculous.

Reading is still hard. I don't want to give the impression that he suddenly read on grade level or that he took up War and Peace, but he is READING. Was it the multi sensory instruction, the thousands of pages read to him by his mother, father, and sister, the freedom to choose his own books and topics of study? Was there one element that brought it into focus or was it a cocktail of literature and systematic study?

I strongly believe that dyslexic children need instruction that is tailored to their specific need. I continue using an Orton Gillingham style of reading instruction and provide accommodation as needed. I believe the success we have enjoyed comes from my son's hard work, his determination to read, his thirst for knowledge, and the drive of his family to build bridges for him to travel on. In my work with the public, I see many children who need special instruction, but are not able to receive it. (There are many reasons for that, but this is not a blog post on how we can work towards that end, although it is a fabulous topic and one I spend a lot of time on.)
What I can do here is point you, my fellow traveler, towards some resources that have helped us on our way. I can also assure you that it is possible, and highly desirable, to merge a creative curriculum with systematic instruction.

The program we use for language arts (reading and writing) is called PAF, or Preventing Academic Failure. It is an Orton Gillingham based program. The teacher manual provides excellent information on the layout of a solid lesson. The lessons are laid out for you and easy to follow. The program uses the Merrill Readers, Explode the Code, and Stepping Up books. The program can be used for several years depending on where you start and how long it takes to complete.

I also use pinterest and creative bloggers to find materials to help me practice certain skills. For example, when working on "bossy r", I made games and activities to help reinforce the differences in the ar, ir, or, ur, and er sounds.

Now that we are in fourth grade, we are reading our first book in the Oak Meadow syllabus, Stuart Little. I was delighted to discover that my son can read a page or two at a time of this book without getting too overwhelmed. So, we take turns reading. We have also used audio books for required reading. Journal entries can be dictated. He can tell me what to write and I record it in his main lesson book for him. He can also copy a few sentences or trace things to label. He then illustrates the page. There are many ways to make a creative, meaningful, and scientifically sound program at home for your dyslexic child. It is not always easy. It does require hard work and patience on both the part of the child and the parent.

I hope that if you have a child with special educational needs, that you will find your stride. There are many valid and excellent choices for you to choose from. If you choose to homeschool, I hope you feel empowered knowing that you can find the resources you need to move forward. Homeschooling with learning differences is challenging and wonderful. Enjoy the journey!

Stories and Art Therapy for Healing

Children experience many bumps on their road, just as we do. Chronic illness or just a stomach flu can leave a child out of sorts and struggling to find their footing again. Too tired to run and play, and sick of the media machine, here is my son experimenting with wet on wet watercolors as a method of therapy.

We struggle with chronic illness at our house. My son has ulcerative colities, severe food allergies, asthma, celiac disease, and other issues to complete the mix of challenges. My husband also struggles with gut issues and recurring kidney stones. All of this can leave the sick and the well in our home feeling overwhelmed.

Sometimes, even when all is well physically, troubled feelings or general angst can also leave its mark. Here are two resources that I have found helpful when you need a creative outlet, a healing story, and some time to put things to right.

Healing Stories for Challenging Behaviour by Susan Perrow
This book is an excellent resource on storytelling and a wealth of information on putting together a plan of action for helping children iron out the rough spots of life.

Painting with Children by Brunhild Muller
Although this is a small book, it is my favorite resource on painting with children. The method laid out is simple and very easy to follow. I have experienced success with all ages of children (even teens) when using this wet on wet watercolor method.

Taken together, this is my prescription for restoring health to the spirit.

In Which I Return to My Homeschool Roots

When we first started homeschooling, seven years ago, I was convinced that my children would learn naturally. I read John Holt and John Taylor Gatto, we joined an unschooling support group and we were off. Those were the days...

Six years ago, my husband started having health problems, our son was diagnosed with celiac disease, food allergies, and colitis, and life as we knew it started to unravel. Looking back, I realize that we went into crisis mode out of necessity. I had to take a full time job and I continued to homeschool. My husband, home often from work with illness, took the daytime routine with the children. Our lives changed drastically. As time went on and time and money were tight, our days took on more stucture. We used more "curriculum" options and assigned more work to make sure the children were exposed to a wide range of things. We read books in Doctor's office waiting rooms, we did Math in workbooks, and we SCHOOLED. The children were learning things. We were surviving.

Fast forward to today - alot of things have changed for us in the past two years. My husband is doing much better health-wise. My son has had his best year yet, and life is better for all of us. I was able to go part time at work with the return of my husband's health. More time for homeschooling, more time for everything...and then, the middle school panic set in.

I think this must be a well traveled trail in the homeschool world. As the 6th grade year starts, parents panic and the "what-if's" set in. What if I haven't done enough? What if they can't get into the college they want to? What if...? This year, the middle school panic caused me to do some pretty crazy things, like sign my children up for two homeschool co-ops/class days. We have always been relaxed homeschoolers with plenty of time at home for reading, crafts, and hanging out together. Since we have never really done the class thing, I thought this would be a good year to try it out. It all sounded so reasonable and organized when I did it. The children could try out the class thing and I would have a guideline to follow for the year.

In reality, things have turned out differently than I expected. We have learned so much - just not what I thought we would learn. For one thing, all the classes, co-ops and clubs got out of hand quickly. Suddenly we were running around too much, too much hurrying, too much gas in the car, too much of too much! When we had a ripple in our home life (a few rough weeks with various things breaking down and causing repairs to cars and home), things really got out of hand. My stress level was high, the children weren't getting enough sleep, and our cozy homeschool world was seriously out of balance. The children talked about the "things we used to do", like take morning walks together and light the "morning circle candle" before singing together at breakfast. Now we didn't have time for these things, we were packing in cereal before running to the car. We were too busy chanting latin verbs to sing and too busy getting ready for weekly presentations to take walks.

Somewhere in all of this madness, the thought came to me that the children had never even asked for a class or co-op. They were quite happy with our old homeschooling ways. It is certainly true that they were being exposed to new things and learning things that we hadn't covered yet at home, but I had to wonder if the trade off was worth it.

In the end, I came to my senses and did what I should have done from the start. I actually asked my children what they thought. I asked them what was working for them and what they liked or enjoyed about their new schedule and what they didn't. I also decided to re-read the books that I had enjoyed and that had originally shaped my homeschooling philosophy. I decided to return to my homeschool roots. Instead of cramming facts into my children, I gave them a few weeks off and tried homeschooling myself instead. I also decided to let them decide for themselves what they wanted to keep, change, or do away with.

I started by reading one of my favorite John Holt books, "What Do I Do Monday?". I was struck again by the wisdom and common sense of listening and trusting the children. Radical trust used to be the name of the game at our house, how had things gotten off track? I followed this book up with David Albert's, "Homeschooling and the Voyage of Self-Discovery: A Journey of Original Seeking". Both of these books are beautiful, insightful and lovely to read and ponder.

Returning to my roots infused our homeschool with a freshness and vitality that put us back on the right track. Now the children are, once again, in charge of their own educational journey. After several weeks of pondering and decision making, we dropped a few clubs and support group activities, had one child who dropped one morning of classes but kept the other, and one child who, for the moment, chooses to keep attending both days of classes and co-ops. So, our experiment this year with co-ops and classes was educational for all of us. While we may have learned new facts in history and science, Latin and Spanish, the most important lesson was to trust the children and to do what is right for your family as well as for each child. Now we light the "morning circle candle" once again, and we have taken back up those family walks as well.